I’m back. I’ve been approaching again. In fact, I had been approaching, on and off for a while. Just decided to focus on other things than updating this log. But I am getting back into it, tonight, with two new checklists, which I will be updating as I go along:
The power of checklists
Lately, I’ve been thinking about the power of checklists, systems, and processes.
You make a plan. You test it out. You adapt the plan based on results.
The key is to actually have a formal plan, rather than just a vague notion that changes as the situation changes.
So that’s what I’ve done. I’ve just made a basic checklist for getting my approaches done. It doesn’t have much in it yet, but I will test it out tomorrow. And based on that, I will either be successful, or I will update my checklist. If you want to read it yourself, here it is:
10 places you can sneak a spare daygame approach
1. outside of the grocery store, when you spotted a cute girl while waiting in line, and she got done with the checkout before you
2. while walking to the gym
3. while walking from the gym, assuming you can jog. if not, walk very persistently.
4. after getting up, while going for a walk in the morning.
5. on the way to meet somebody at the coffee shop
6. while driving. why not pull over, put the emergency lights on, and run over to the girl very quickly?
7. when seeing a girl who’s walking her dog. assuming it’s not a dangerous dog.
8. when spotting a tourist girl walking by herself.
9. while carrying your groceries from the market. perhaps at the market itself. perhaps on the way.
10. when going out to meet friends in the evening.
False daygame dichotomies
I stopped a colorful-looking girl today.
It turned out she’s a teacher.
She was happy and ready to talk.
But I wasn’t feeling I had done enough for attraction.
So I eventually shook her hand, and moved on.
Because sometimes it’s better to preserve your state than to force a close.
At least, that’s what I remember reading in a post that Krauser had written once, based on the one-on-one coaching he took with Yad.
The thing is, I’m also kind of a masochist.
I like to tell myself I should always try harder.
If it doesn’t sting, it means I’m probably not doing enough.
But you can’t live like this. Not all the time. And yet, you also have to force yourself sometimes, and suffer the sting.
I believe there are many “false dichotomies” in the world.
In reality, these are complex, tangled problems. The solutions genuinely swing between two opposite poles at different times.
But because our minds like simplicity, we want to reduce the number of solutions to one.
Not two.
One.
And that’s why your mind might like to say, “I always have to live outside my comfort zone…”
Or it might like to say, “I can’t or won’t do this because it’s too uncomfortable.”
Neither of these is TRUE. Not all the time.
But our minds would like to have use believe that one or the other is true, or at least right for us.
Because it takes energy and thought to figure out which solution might be right for you at this specific moment.
But keeping both solutions in mind, and spending the time and energy to consider them both, is the only way to make progress. And to be able to keep making progress for a long time to come.
Positive reinforcement
I read a book recently, and the author, a psychologist by trade, offhandedly mentioned how studies have repeatedly shown:
Positive reinforcement produces better learning outcomes than negative reinforcement.
So for the first time ever, I’ve been trying it with daygame.
Of course, I had always given myself some nominal encouragement.
“Good that you approached. Now here’s what you could have done better…”
I’ve stopped that.
I only tell myself the good stuff now.
And the more good stuff I tell myself, the more bubbles up to the surface.
“But how do you get better if you don’t face up to the negatives?”
It’s a fair question. And I don’t have an answer.
For now, I’ve decided to just focus on the positive. If I find after some time that I am stagnating this way, I might reconsider.
“Good for you. What about me though?”
Well, maybe you too can try it. It might make you feel better. It might help you conserve energy and get more approaches done. And it might actually cause you to enjoy doing game instead of having to will yourself through it each time.
The best way to not impress a girl on the street
Yesterday, I was talking to my new “coach.”
And I found myself saying stupid things.
Not stupid stupid.
But stupid as in, things he already knew, things I didn’t need to say, but I was saying in the hopes of looking smart.
It’s a universal rule:
If you try to impress, you end up doing the opposite. Whatever that’s called. Unimpressing.
This applies to coaches. To people you’ve just met at a party. To girls you’ve just met on the street.
Do not impress. Don’t do it. Ever.
“Easier said than done, John Gutter!”
No. It’s not hard to do.
In fact it feels good.
Whenever you find yourself nervous… and you get a hankering to do or say something… and a warm feeling washes over you because you expect you will “feel okay” as a result of it…
Then hold off.
Don’t do anything.
Or do something, but not that thing you think will impress.
3 ways to conserve energy during daygame
There’s this one video by RSDTyler that’s stuck with me for years.
In the video, Tyler talks about ways to conserve energy while doing pickup.
Actually, he promotes it by saying it will give you godlike levels of energy.
I don’t know about that, but I would be happy just not to get run down. Anyways, Tyler has 3 pieces of advice:
1. Don’t think about whether you should approach. Just think about how to approach.
2. Don’t judge yourself. Every approach is 1000 out of 10.
3. Don’t play a part. (Or something like that. Basically, don’t be a try-hard PUA, and instead “just be yourself”)
I think these are good rules but they don’t fully click with me when I’m on the streets.
So while I was walking around the past few days, I tweaked them so they make more sense for daygame:
1. Don’t think about approaching. All that thinking and resolutions to approach ahead of time don’t do anything except exhaust you. Count on that moment of effort at the right time. The rest of the time, think about something else.
2. Don’t judge yourself. This one says as Tyler had it. If there is some obvious lesson, note it, and move on. Every approach is 1000 out of 10.
3. Don’t think about what you will say. Allow the void in and use it. Don’t stress about what to say before the approach or during the approach. Use the void. Use the tension. And remember it’s mostly abot subcommuncation anyways.
Kegels for daygame
One of my excuses for not doing daygame is:
“What’s the point? I have no interest in sex.”
And it’s true. For years now, have had very little libido, and mostly chasing girls as a way of self-improvement.
I’ve looked into all possible explanations of what the hell is wrong with me, and haven’t figure out out anything useful.
But perhaps the first advice is the best advice.
Because if you ever check any kind male sexual health issue, the first tip you will find is kegels.
The thing is, I tried kegels. 20 years ago. And a bunch of times since.
They never seemed to do anything for me. Except maybe make my erections worse.
But maybe I’ve been doing kegels wrong all along.
Because if you ever check the many scientific papers out there about the kegel benefits for male sexual health, you’ll find something like this:
“The study kicked off with a 2-week biofeedback period during which we trained the subjects to actually identify and activate their pelvic floor muscles.”
This flies in the fact of the standard advice of — to figure out how to do a kegel, simply stop taking a piss and realize what muscles you used.
And in fact, I’ve been experimenting with a different kind of kegel lately.
It’s too early to tell, but it seems to be creating improvements, and possibly big improvements.
For now, if you want to read a bit of very unscientific treatment on how to do kegels the right way, you might like the following:
https://www.reddit.com/r/PIED/comments/7rvg88/ischiocavernosus_ic_muscle_cured_my_peed_and_low/
12 reasons why I hate daygame weekends
1. The city is empty compared to weekdays.
2. The few streets where there are people are too crowded.
3. Everybody’s paired up in couples instead of walking nice and alone.
4. Nobody is out in the morning when I like to go out, and I have to wait for the midday heat.
5. Shopping malls? Does everybody live in a shopping mall during the weekend?
6. The weekends really only come alive in the evening. And that’s when I go to bed.
7. I feel like more of a stalker on a weekend than on the weekdays.
8. If I do run into daygame competition, it’s more likely to happen on the weekend.
9. If I do run into random other streetside competition, like gypsies trying to get you to sign a petition for the deaf so they can claim you owe them money, it’s more likely to happen on the weekend.
10. Everybody goes to family lunches.
11. On Sunday’s there’s church. How can you chase girls with implied offers of sex when they are on their way to church? I’m not Giaccomo Casanova.
12. I lose all my momentum and routine that I built up during the week.
Anyways, that’s my whining rant. And 12 reasons I didn’t approach today.
None of which are good enough.
And now the question becomes, what will I do to adapt? Hhow will I problem-solve, so this doesn’t happen again?
Maybe this weekend conundrum isn’t relevant to you. But odds are you’ve got some sticking points, too. So don’t copy my rant above if it doesn’t apply to you. But do copy my attitude of finding a way to adapt and to move across, around, or through whatever barrier is in front of you right now.
Commandment III of Poon
Over the past few days, I’ve been texting with a couple of girls.
One is a girl I’ve already slept with and have kept in contact with.
The other is a new lead.
Each of them writes me throughout the day.
And I write back.
But here’s the trouble:
I’ve found myself checking the phone, hoping that one of them had written.
It’s the typical addiction that comes from having a cell phone — but it’s made worse by the fact I like these girls and I enjoy the conversation.
But it’s no good.
It’s not good to feel this way, for my own mental health.
It’s not good for my productivity.
And it’s also not a good way to keep these girls interested. Not if they are cool and attractive, and they want a cool, attractive man.
Because if I keep this up, then sooner or later, in some subtle way, it will become obvious that the best thing in my life right now is having a couple of exciting text conversations — which is a pretty shit life to have.
And this brings up one of the 16 commandments of poon by Roissy aka Heartiste. Specifically, commandment III:
“You shall make your mission, not your woman, your priority”
As a guy, you have to have your own life to live.
You have to have plans that make you interested and happy.
And you have to be ok whether this girl comes or goes.
Of course, this is a good way to live your life, because you look for happiness within, where you’re much more likely to find it than in somebody else’s hands.
But it’s also the best way to attract girls — particularly cool, attractive girls.
So the next time you find yourself reaching for that phone to see if you have any messages from girls you’ve closed recently, ask yourself:
How could I be using my time in a better way right now?