Posted on

The power of pretending to be someone you’re not

There’s a lot of power in pretending to be someone you’re not.

We all have a lot of potential in our heads.

But at any time, we only give ourselves so much permission.

Over time, certain patterns of behavior and thinking become routine… and we start to believe that’s who we are.

But we still have a lot of potential in our heads.

And pretending to be someone you’re not is really all about giving yourself permission.

Today, I told myself to be someone who finds everyday things not a big deal.

To not react to other people… to small complications or injuries… to negative thoughts.

It made me feel good.

It changed how i walked.

Maybe it will even change how i find approaching girls – because it’s really not a big deal.

Posted on

Assumption stacking acronym

I still suck.

I’ll get to talking to a girl. If she isn’t into me, if the vibe isn’t good right away, my brain goes blank.

I can’t even make an assumption about the girl. She looks so plain. Of course, she’s not. My brain is playing tricks on me.

So to play tricks on my brain, I’ve come up with an ACRONYM. It’s to help me focus my attention on a specific facet of this girl, so I can make an assumption about that specifically.

“COLA WAS”

Country — You look French… It must be the croissant you’re eating.

Outfit — Up top, you’re very elegant and professional… and then you have these very, very unprofessional leggings on…

Local — You must not be a local girl. You’re too friendly and nice.

Activity — I get the feeling you’re about to meet your friends and gossip about boys.

Work — You’re studying? Let me try to guess what…

Ambitious — You seem very ambitious. I’m a little scared of you. And I pity all the poor people who will work under you one day.

Secret — Are you the one girl who’s always late to everything and all her friends are waiting?

Posted on

What women really find attractive

“‘Too nice, too easily pushed off,’ one old torch singer said, ‘and too damn philosophical about it afterward. He didn’t have that, uh, slight menace that gives a girl a thrill.'”

That was a former acquaintance talking about a young Ronald Reagan.

In other words, about somebody who had looks, charm, and drive.

And yet… something was missing. A bit of menace. A bit of a sexual threat.

It’s an honest assessment of what women find attractive in a man, and what unattractive.

Keep this in mind the next time you talk to a girl, and she gives you those deer eyes, as if to say, “I just want a nice guy.”

Posted on

Punishing bad behavior

A girl walked by me today.

“Aaah,” I said. I turned, followed her hesitantly, watched her walk across the street.

I was letting her get away.

Then I told myself, “Don’t give in to hesitation.” I ran after her. I approached. We had a nice interaction.

My point is this:

Teach yourself that hesitation doesn’t get you anything. You will still approach.

It’s like punishing bad behavior. Or showing your body that bad behavior doesn’t get it what it wants.

Hesitation doesn’t mean you won’t approach. You can hesitate. And you will still approach.

Your body is like a badly behaved puppy, and you have to take control and show it that it will work with you, instead of doing what it wants.

Posted on

Repulsive approach logistics

I saw a good looking girl today dressed in a cool raincoat.

She was heading down a large but empty street. I wanted to approach.But…

I realized that by the time I got to her, she would be in front of a cafe. A dozen tables were set up outside, with people at each table. I would have to approach with that big audience within earshot.

I let her go.

So I wrote a note to myself:

Large audience or small. Walking audience or stationary.

You have to be the one to suck up the tension and approach regardless. If you can do that, you get so many bonus points.

If you cannot, you get nothing… or at best a weak approach. Seek out the situations where the approach is repulsive.

Posted on

Daygame inspiration

Most things I listen to online are upsetting, even if they don’t mean to be.

There are only a few things that put me in a better mood.

And there are fewer still that also make me want to go out and approach girls.

And there’s only one that also make me better when i do talk to girls.

I’ve been listening to Tom Torero’s podcasts each day. The new ones, and the backlog, one by one.

They make my daygame better. They make me want to go out and approach. And they even put me in a better mood.

A reminder for myself, and perhaps for you.

Posted on

The best inner game cure for approach resistance that I’ve found

I’ve struggled with approach resistance forever.

Not anxiety… but resistance. Many times I simply cannot will myself to approach.

I’ve tried lots of different things to get around the resistance, but the only ones that work reliably are 1) being on a roll, having momentum from other approaches, and other days of approaching and 2) going out with a wing.

But there is something I’ve done recently, and it’s made a huge difference.

It goes back to Maxwell Maltz’s book Psycho-Cybernetics. Maltz says, you do not have to pick up the phone.

What he means is, there are lots of disturbing and distracting things happening both inside you and outside you. You don’t have to react to them. And that’s made all the difference.

As I’m walking around, my brain is constantly producing ringing alarms.

“I will approach”

“I won’t approach”

“Her”

“Not her”

“People are watching”

“I’ve gotten into a negative mindset”

etc.

When I catch myself saying anything to myself, I remember Maltz’s ringing phone. I treat these ideas as an alarm that my helpful brain decided to turn on. And I simply ignore it, leaving it behind me as I walk along.

“You do not have to pick up the phone”

What’s left after you don’t pick up the phone? The actual world around you, and your own ability to deal with it and react to it, without pre-meditated panic or determination.

Posted on

Finish on a positive note

At the end of my daygame set yesterday, I stopped a beautiful black-haired girl.

“I just saw you from over there… I thought you looked really nice”

The girl screwed up her head and furrowed her brows.

“I think we’ve met before. You said the same thing then. Thank you.” And she walked away, shaking her head.

Somehow this shook me.

So I knew what I had to do. I walked around… looking for another approach.

Because I read in Daniel Kahneman’s Thinking, Fast and Slow that human beings evaluate experiences based on two things:

One is the most emotionally salient moment.

The other is the end.

In other words, if you have 6 reasonable but forgettable approaches, and then one bad one at the end… it is that last one that will color how you remember that entire set. You will go home with a lousy feeling, and tomorrow, that feeling will linger.

The fix is simple. Keep approaching. That’s what I did.

It was unlikely that I’d find another set that was more emotionally salient than the re-approach… but I could definitely find a better ending for the set.

So I stopped another girl and gave her a compliment. She was pleased, and I got out of my head a bit. I could go home, with that positive experience being the end of the set, and the beginning of a new set for today.

Posted on

Approaching girls who are a waste of time

I was walking today down a busy pedestrian street when I saw a great white waif:

She was tall, blonde, leggy. Wearing leather pants and tip toeing along on too-high heels. She looked more noticeable than good.

My brain evaluated my prospects if I approach. Brain’s calculation: Expect her to maybe smile and accept the compliment and listen politely and diplomatically but have it go nowhere.

So I didn’t approach, and she walked away, forever. Which was my mistake.

Some girls are a waste of time because you are certain they won’t respond well. And you are right, they will be a waste of time, if you keep doing what you’ve done so far.

But those are opportunities for growth. So go in there and make it your goal to have a positive interaction. And one day, you will be able to harpoon that great white waif.

Posted on

My own pattern interrupt

I first heard the term “pattern interrupt” in marketing circles. It’s used to describe a surprising idea that gets people’s attention at the start of a sales pitch:

“Don’t read this message!”

“12 years ago, I cut off my finger.”

“In exactly 1,248 words, I’ll try to sell you something. And you will love me for it.”

That kind of thing.

But a few weeks ago, while listening to some Tony Robbins tapes, I found out what a pattern interrupt really is. It comes from NLP. I don’t know much about NLP, but based on what Tony Robbins said, there’s an NLP theory about how you can achieve personal change quickly.

It takes just three simple steps.

First, you get leverage. In other words, you figure out an overwhelming reason why you want to change, and why you want to change now.

Second, when a pattern of behavior (or thinking) that you want to change comes up, you interrupt it.

How?

Well, anything can work, as long as it breaks you out of that dustdevil of repeated, unproductive thoughts and actions. For example, you could pinch yourself. You could make some nonsense noise. You could sit down if you’re standing up, or stand up if you’re sitting down.

Or you could do what I did today, while doing daygame.

I was walking around, and I passed a girl I could have easily approached. I knew I had missed an opportunity. And a familiar jumble of thoughts started popping up somewhere in the back of my mind.

So I just told myself, “Cut it out.”

Maybe that sounds simplistic. But I did it with the specific goal of interrupting my negative pattern, and replacing it with a new, more positive pattern. That’s the third step of achieving personal change quickly.

And this simple approach worked to change my behavior. I did an approach at the very next opportunity, a young biker/lawyer-looking chick who was startled and pleased to have me come talk to her.

So try a pattern interrupt yourself if you find yourself engaging in thoughts or behavior that you want to change. And if you want to know how to construct a new, better pattern to replace your bad pattern with, well, that’s a topic I’ll cover another day.