Daygame – Gutter Game

October 9, 2020

Daygame inspiration

Most things I listen to online are upsetting, even if they don’t mean to be.

There are only a few things that put me in a better mood.

And there are fewer still that also make me want to go out and approach girls.

And there’s only one that also make me better when i do talk to girls.

I’ve been listening to Tom Torero’s podcasts each day. The new ones, and the backlog, one by one.

They make my daygame better. They make me want to go out and approach. And they even put me in a better mood.

A reminder for myself, and perhaps for you.

October 6, 2020April 3, 2021

The best inner game cure for approach resistance that I’ve found

I’ve struggled with approach resistance forever.

Not anxiety… but resistance. Many times I simply cannot will myself to approach.

I’ve tried lots of different things to get around the resistance, but the only ones that work reliably are 1) being on a roll, having momentum from other approaches, and other days of approaching and 2) going out with a wing.

But there is something I’ve done recently, and it’s made a huge difference.

It goes back to Maxwell Maltz’s book Psycho-Cybernetics. Maltz says, you do not have to pick up the phone.

What he means is, there are lots of disturbing and distracting things happening both inside you and outside you. You don’t have to react to them. And that’s made all the difference.

As I’m walking around, my brain is constantly producing ringing alarms.

“I will approach”

“I won’t approach”

“Her”

“Not her”

“People are watching”

“I’ve gotten into a negative mindset”

etc.

When I catch myself saying anything to myself, I remember Maltz’s ringing phone. I treat these ideas as an alarm that my helpful brain decided to turn on. And I simply ignore it, leaving it behind me as I walk along.

“You do not have to pick up the phone”

What’s left after you don’t pick up the phone? The actual world around you, and your own ability to deal with it and react to it, without pre-meditated panic or determination.

September 26, 2020

Finish on a positive note

At the end of my daygame set yesterday, I stopped a beautiful black-haired girl.

“I just saw you from over there… I thought you looked really nice”

The girl screwed up her head and furrowed her brows.

“I think we’ve met before. You said the same thing then. Thank you.” And she walked away, shaking her head.

Somehow this shook me.

So I knew what I had to do. I walked around… looking for another approach.

Because I read in Daniel Kahneman’s Thinking, Fast and Slow that human beings evaluate experiences based on two things:

One is the most emotionally salient moment.

The other is the end.

In other words, if you have 6 reasonable but forgettable approaches, and then one bad one at the end… it is that last one that will color how you remember that entire set. You will go home with a lousy feeling, and tomorrow, that feeling will linger.

The fix is simple. Keep approaching. That’s what I did.

It was unlikely that I’d find another set that was more emotionally salient than the re-approach… but I could definitely find a better ending for the set.

So I stopped another girl and gave her a compliment. She was pleased, and I got out of my head a bit. I could go home, with that positive experience being the end of the set, and the beginning of a new set for today.

September 25, 2020

Approaching girls who are a waste of time

I was walking today down a busy pedestrian street when I saw a great white waif:

She was tall, blonde, leggy. Wearing leather pants and tip toeing along on too-high heels. She looked more noticeable than good.

My brain evaluated my prospects if I approach. Brain’s calculation: Expect her to maybe smile and accept the compliment and listen politely and diplomatically but have it go nowhere.

So I didn’t approach, and she walked away, forever. Which was my mistake.

Some girls are a waste of time because you are certain they won’t respond well. And you are right, they will be a waste of time, if you keep doing what you’ve done so far.

But those are opportunities for growth. So go in there and make it your goal to have a positive interaction. And one day, you will be able to harpoon that great white waif.

October 20, 2019

I’m back

I’m back. I’ve been approaching again. In fact, I had been approaching, on and off for a while. Just decided to focus on other things than updating this log. But I am getting back into it, tonight, with two new checklists, which I will be updating as I go along:

Solid approach checklist

Little list of teases and compliment extensions

August 31, 2019October 20, 2019

The power of checklists

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the power of checklists, systems, and processes.

You make a plan. You test it out. You adapt the plan based on results.

The key is to actually have a formal plan, rather than just a vague notion that changes as the situation changes.

So that’s what I’ve done. I’ve just made a basic checklist for getting my approaches done. It doesn’t have much in it yet, but I will test it out tomorrow. And based on that, I will either be successful, or I will update my checklist. If you want to read it yourself, here it is:

https://guttergame.com/overcoming-resistance-checklist

August 30, 2019

10 places you can sneak a spare daygame approach

1. outside of the grocery store, when you spotted a cute girl while waiting in line, and she got done with the checkout before you

2. while walking to the gym

3. while walking from the gym, assuming you can jog. if not, walk very persistently.

4. after getting up, while going for a walk in the morning.

5. on the way to meet somebody at the coffee shop

6. while driving. why not pull over, put the emergency lights on, and run over to the girl very quickly?

7. when seeing a girl who’s walking her dog. assuming it’s not a dangerous dog.

8. when spotting a tourist girl walking by herself.

9. while carrying your groceries from the market. perhaps at the market itself. perhaps on the way.

10. when going out to meet friends in the evening.

August 28, 2019

False daygame dichotomies

I stopped a colorful-looking girl today.

It turned out she’s a teacher.

She was happy and ready to talk.

But I wasn’t feeling I had done enough for attraction.

So I eventually shook her hand, and moved on.

Because sometimes it’s better to preserve your state than to force a close.

At least, that’s what I remember reading in a post that Krauser had written once, based on the one-on-one coaching he took with Yad.

The thing is, I’m also kind of a masochist.

I like to tell myself I should always try harder.

If it doesn’t sting, it means I’m probably not doing enough.

But you can’t live like this. Not all the time. And yet, you also have to force yourself sometimes, and suffer the sting.

I believe there are many “false dichotomies” in the world.

In reality, these are complex, tangled problems. The solutions genuinely swing between two opposite poles at different times.

But because our minds like simplicity, we want to reduce the number of solutions to one.

Not two.

One.

And that’s why your mind might like to say, “I always have to live outside my comfort zone…”

Or it might like to say, “I can’t or won’t do this because it’s too uncomfortable.”

Neither of these is TRUE. Not all the time.

But our minds would like to have use believe that one or the other is true, or at least right for us.

Because it takes energy and thought to figure out which solution might be right for you at this specific moment.

But keeping both solutions in mind, and spending the time and energy to consider them both, is the only way to make progress. And to be able to keep making progress for a long time to come.

August 26, 2019

Positive reinforcement

I read a book recently, and the author, a psychologist by trade, offhandedly mentioned how studies have repeatedly shown:

Positive reinforcement produces better learning outcomes than negative reinforcement.

So for the first time ever, I’ve been trying it with daygame.

Of course, I had always given myself some nominal encouragement.

“Good that you approached. Now here’s what you could have done better…”

I’ve stopped that.

I only tell myself the good stuff now.

And the more good stuff I tell myself, the more bubbles up to the surface.

“But how do you get better if you don’t face up to the negatives?”

It’s a fair question. And I don’t have an answer.

For now, I’ve decided to just focus on the positive. If I find after some time that I am stagnating this way, I might reconsider.

“Good for you. What about me though?”

Well, maybe you too can try it. It might make you feel better. It might help you conserve energy and get more approaches done. And it might actually cause you to enjoy doing game instead of having to will yourself through it each time.