I’ve struggled with approach resistance forever.
Not anxiety… but resistance. Many times I simply cannot will myself to approach.
I’ve tried lots of different things to get around the resistance, but the only ones that work reliably are 1) being on a roll, having momentum from other approaches, and other days of approaching and 2) going out with a wing.
But there is something I’ve done recently, and it’s made a huge difference.
It goes back to Maxwell Maltz’s book Psycho-Cybernetics. Maltz says, you do not have to pick up the phone.
What he means is, there are lots of disturbing and distracting things happening both inside you and outside you. You don’t have to react to them. And that’s made all the difference.
As I’m walking around, my brain is constantly producing ringing alarms.
“I will approach”
“I won’t approach”
“Her”
“Not her”
“People are watching”
“I’ve gotten into a negative mindset”
etc.
When I catch myself saying anything to myself, I remember Maltz’s ringing phone. I treat these ideas as an alarm that my helpful brain decided to turn on. And I simply ignore it, leaving it behind me as I walk along.
“You do not have to pick up the phone”
What’s left after you don’t pick up the phone? The actual world around you, and your own ability to deal with it and react to it, without pre-meditated panic or determination.