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When it’s ok to stupid-eject from a daygame set

I stopped girl in a park this morning. She was young, she had a fine body, and she was wearing some kind of gymmy black outfit.

And it was going well.

She said she’s going to work, but she didn’t make any move to leave. She seemed relieved that I was hitting on her. She was telling me about how she’s moved to the city and how it’s better than where she’s from. She laughed at my jokes.

So I ejected.

I told her I won’t keep her any longer, but it was nice talking to her.

She looked deflated but she went.

What else could she do?

Of course, this was eating at me later. In fact, as soon as I’d ejected. I could have stuck it out. Pushed more. Probably gotten the number.

But even though this was all running through my head…

It wasn’t a mistake to eject.

I’m still getting back on the daygame horse.

And the watchword is: Go slow and make progress.

It’s much more important to be consistent, and to consistently progress, than to be eager and go for the gun right away.

If you keep it up, go out every day, and do a bit more every day, you’ll get plenty of numbers in just another week.

On the other hand, if you get overeager and crash and burn, you might ask or even get a number today — and then never get another number ever.

Again, the key is consistent work and progress, however slow.

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How to adapt after you crumble under mounting daygame pressure and routine

Today was a total daygame failure. I did one approach — which went well — and then I got nervous and didn’t do any more.

I’d been making solid progress over the past week, but it seems my mind and body are revolting. So I thought of different ways to deal with this. Maybe you will find one of them useful:

1. Schedule in breaks. Plan a day when you won’t approach, or when you will approach less than you would normally.

2. Change locations. Go to a new part of town where you don’t normally approach. Or go to a new town altogether.

3. Break up the work throughout the day.

4. Take microbreaks. Lie down or sit down. Go into your mental quiet room. During the daygame session itself, and during the rest of the day as well.

5. Make it into a game. Approach only girls wearing white pants. Compare each girl to some superhero. Accuse each girl of a different dangerous or shady profession.

6. Reframe. Like Arnold Schwarzenegger who said he really got successful as a bodybuilder when he started to see pain as weakness leaving his body. Search for a similar reframe that you can believe in.

7. Take two steps back. Take some weight off, just like bodybuilders do. Except I find that taking one step back is often not enough. The mind knows that the the step at which it failed is just around the corner. That’s why it’s better to take two steps back, and then gradually ramp up again.

8. Keep fueled up. Sleep, food, water. Also having social interactions… reducing money worries… minimizing external stress or anxiety.

9. High to low to high. Alternate doing the hardest first while you have energy, and then the easiest and most pleasant when you need a break. And then go back high.

10. Keep problem solving. Tried all of the above? None of it worked? Keep looking for new ideas, inside yourself and outside, for how to keep motivated and active.

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10 surprising things that have happened to me during daygame

Here are 10 surprising things that have happened to me during daygame — not today, but over my long and patchy daygame career:

1. I stopped a slow-moving, bored-looking, curiously dressed girl. I gave her my usual spiel and she neither engaged nor made a move to go. So I kept talking. She listened blankly but again made no move to go. Then, an older woman, who I suppose was her mother, walked up, put her arms around the girl, and swept her away. I thought the girl was in her early 20s. But it turned out she was still very much a teenager.

2. I stopped a girl and she recognized me. She knew all sorts of things about me, about my job, about my background. I realized that I must have stopped her at some point earlier, but I completely could not remember. I played it cool. She hinted in many ways that she was available now so I took her number. But while we were trying to set up the first date over text, she had a moral crisis and decided she couldn’t come out for a drink after all.

3. This didn’t happen during daygame but after: I went to a friend’s house for poker. Other people were coming as well, including a couple. The girl of the couple said, “Oh you stopped me on the street last week. You said I looked nice.” I didn’t remember. But she did.

4. I stopped a girl on the street. I was nervous because I was just getting back into daygame after a long break. “If you have to go, no problem,” I told her. “I don’t have to go,” she said. Me: “I was just going to get a coffee. Do you want to sit down for a coffee with me?” Her: “How about a beer?” It was 1pm.

5. I normally never do “warmup” sets but I tried it once. I stopped a girl and told her she looks nice and to have a great day. I kept walking down the street feeling good about myself. Then I heard footsteps behind me — somebody was running after me. It was the girl. “Would you like to have coffee with me?” she asked. That killed the rest of the daygame session.

6. I stopped a girl who was having a smoke outside of a metro entrance. I asked her if she spoke English. She said yes. I tried telling her how she looks nice, but it was obvious she doesn’t understand me. I tried to use simpler words and to talk slower. She was getting annoyed. Finally she yelled at me in Hungarian to go away and to leave her alone.

7. I ran to stop a girl on a medium-empty street. She clutched her bag and ran away.

8. I stopped a girl who was an international model. There were dozens of girls out that day who I thought were prettier and sexier than her.

9. I stopped a girl once and when I was done, a guy walked up to me and asked what I was doing. I told him I could teach him the same but he said he couldn’t do it.

10. I stopped a girl and told her she looks good. She tried to keep up her end of the conversation but it was obvious that she was close to breaking out in tears. Eventually she started crying. She wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. I saw her on the street a few weeks later. We talked again. I never found out why she was crying that day.

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How to deal with awkwardness, courtesy of Style PUA

I saw an interview once with Neil Strauss aka Style.

The interviewer, Andrew Warner, was nervous for some reason. He admitted this to Neil and asked for advice. Makes sens, since Neil is a master interviewer himself, on top of being a big-name PUA.

“You’ve already done the best thing you could,” Neil said. “When there’s something hanging in the air, it’s best to call it out.”

This applies when you’re the one being nervous or awkward… and in other situations, too.

Like today, when I went out for daygame. Two of the girls I approached reacted a little off.

One got cold and defensive when she realized what was going on.

The other simply seemed so shocked that she couldn’t say anything.

In both cases, I kept going with my little spiel as though nothing odd is happening.

Which is an ok strategy in an instance of awkwardness.

But a better strategy might be to do what Neil suggested:

Be in the moment…

Be aware of what’s happening…

And simply call it out.

TO THE COLD, DEFENSIVE GIRL: “Oh I like how you got so serious right now. It’s like you’re getting ready for a fight.”

TO THE SHOCKED GIRL: “I feel a little like an extraterrestrial. You’re looking at me like you can’t believe this is really happening.”

Don’t be judgmental or accusatory if you do this.

Instead, be amused. Friendly. And give the girl a chance to change her mind and get back into the conversation.

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The tension trap for overeager daygamers

When I was in junior high school, we read a story which applies strangely to daygame, too.

It was about a boy who hunted raccoons. So his grandpa gave him some advice.

“Put a shiny coin in a hole in a log,” grandpa said. “The clever racoon will see it and will reach in to get it out.”

“Oh yeah, old man?” said the grandson. “So what?”

“The racoon is a greedy creature,” said the grandfather. “So he won’t let go of that shiny coin. And that’s why he won’t be able to get his paw out of the hole. It’s a perfect trap.”

“You’re a perfect old fogey,” said the grandson, “and I’ve had enough of your ramblings.”

It was a long time ago that I read that story, and I’m not sure about the exact dialogue. But I thought of it just now because I was reviewing my daygame session from today.

I was struggling for a good part of it.

And at one point, I sat down on a bench and had a dialogue with myself, which was almost as nasty as the one above between the grandson and grandfather.

NEGATIVE ME: “Why don’t you go home and stop fooling yourself?”

POSITIVE ME: “Because I want to stay out and get the approaches done that I’d planned.”

NEGATIVE ME: “Sure you do. But you’re not doing shit. So what’s gonna change?”

POSITIVE ME: “I’ll do a quick approach right now. I’ll break through my approach resistance!”

And so I stopped debating with myself, and I started walking around, determined to find a girl to approach.

But it turns out that’s almost always a mistake, at least in my case.

When I get all determined like I did today, all that happens is that I become physically and mentally tense. And I make it even harder for myself to approach.

I’m like that stupid racoon who won’t let go of the shiny thing, and who keeps being trapped with his paw in the log.

Relaxing and letting go of the determination to approach — right here, right now, the very next girl who comes up — actually makes it easier to approach, and more likely that I will succeed.

And maybe, if you suffer from similar racoon tendencies as I do, this will help you as well.

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Moving forward on the daygame treadmill

How quickly the mind and body adapt.

Today I went out for daygame. My goal was to do 6 approaches.

But the city was dead. I walked around for an hour and a half and I did 3 approaches. Not because I was letting tons of opportunities pass. There simply weren’t that many girls out.

So eventually, I conceded there’s no sense in continuing to punish myself. And I went home.

I felt shitty about it. I’d been meeting all my daygame quotas since I got back on the horse…

And here I was failing for the first time.

How quickly the body and the mind adapt.

Because today I did 3 approaches, and they were all fairly solid.

Only 3 days ago, I would have been super pleased by squeezing this result out of myself. Not any more though.

But this isn’t a sermon about how we’re all spinning our wheels on the hedonic treadmill, and how you should be happy with whatchu got.

Instead, I just want to remind myself, and perhaps you, dear reader, that this same principle goes in a forward direction, too. Specifically:

The things that seem hard or even impossible today…

Such as stopping that snobby-looking, perfectly dressed, fast-moving, large-titted blonde, in the middle of a crowd…

Will be second nature soon, and maybe in just a few days.

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Shimmying up the daygame rope

I was weak and whiny as a child, and I didn’t do well in any school sports.

So for example, I absolutely hated climbing a gym rope.

“How?” I would say. I’d grab the rope and pull for a second, but my hands would burn and my arms would give up. Of course, if the gym teacher was a little more helpful, he could have pointed out the standard rope climbing technique:

You hold the rope with your hands…

You jump up off the ground…

You wrap your feet around the rope and use that to support yourself…

And then you use your legs to shimmy yourself up, while grabbing with your hands a little higher up the rope. And in this way, the whole process repeats, half a foot higher up. Now onto daygame:

I’m finally approaching.

But many of the girls I approach genuinely get startled or even scared.

Maybe it’s that girls around here really aren’t used to strangers. But more likely, it’s just that I am coming in stiff, jerky, and forced. Fortunately, the standard rope climbing technique applies to daygame as well. It goes like this:

You plaster your best imitation of a Duchenne smile on your face…

You come in a little slower, louder, and larger than you normally would…

And you maintain eye contact at what feels like a psychotic level.

Do this consciously a few times, and your internal state will adjust as well. You will become a little less stiff, jerky, and forced. And then the whole process repeats, half a foot higher up along the daygame rope.

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The first step after breaking through approach resistance

Yesterday, I read a confession on Reddit from a girl who is finally enjoying sex.

“He’s having sex with ME,” she wrote enthusiastically about her new boyfriend, “not just having sex.”

It’s the same with daygame.

The last few days, I’ve just been trying to break through my severe, Berlin-Wall-like approach resistance.

And I’ve made some progress. Partly, it was because I made it so easy on myself.

“Hello, I just want to tell you something… [panting]… I just saw you and I thought you looked very nice. Now goodbye.”

Girls usually look curious and interested when I start this little spiel. But they often look disappointed by the end.

Because I’m just racking up approaches. I’m not making any kind of connection and I’m not really complimenting them specifically.

The good news is, it’s easy to do better than this.

You simply say the magic word “because.” As in:

“I thought you looked nice because this striped shirt gives you a sailory, seaside look.”

If you are currently overwhelmed with approach resistance — as I have been — then even this small twist might be overwhelming.

If that’s where you’re at, fuck it. Just tell the girl she looks nice and stare. Or leave.

But as soon as you get past the worst approach resistance, make a point of interacting with the girl, by talking about her specifics and genuinely complimenting her.

It will make her feel much better. This will transfer to you as well, and make the rough experience of daygame approaching a tiny bit easier.

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Daygame is the worst way to meet women

I saw her as soon as I left the house this morning:

A young, pretty girl walking up the street.

So I started running.

“I know you’re in a rush,” I said. “I just wanted to tell you you look nice.”

“Thank you,” she said. And she walked away.

I felt a bit of relief. I had done the first approach of the day.

A few minutes later, I approached a fancily dressed law office clerk. We talked for ten seconds. Then I walked around, feeling a growing chasm inside myself. I finally approached a third girl — one with a big jaw and a big ass — who was barrelling down the street and only slowed down a bit to say “thank you.”

I had met my quota for the day. I had done three approaches that went nowhere.

And that’s daygame.

It probably won’t go anywhere. You will probably weird many girls out. Your own reaction will probably be negative many times.

Because daygame is terrible.

It really is the worst way to meet women.

It’s constant emotional turmoil. Even if you keep it up, some part of this always remains.

Like I said, terrible.

There’s no reason to do this to yourself.

Unless, that is, you’ve set foolish and maniacal goals for yourself. Such as total self-mastery and complete social freedom.

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Slow-as-fuck daygame

Today, I spent around three hours walking around the city. By the end of those three hours, I had amassed a total of two daygame approaches.

And I’m ok with that.

In these stupid, early days of getting back on the daygame horse, I remind myself of a story I’d read about the founders of AirBnb. Back when AirBnb was just starting out, the two founders would fly around the country non-stop. They would visit listings in different towns and personally help the owners take better photos of their houses and apartments.

Super fucking slow. Really unscalable. But who cares? It was just the beginning. It was necessary back then. And it was critical in their ultimate success.

Well, that’s where I’m at right now. I’m sucking. I struggled to even make those two approaches.

I went out for an hour in the morning. Nothing.

I went out again in the afternoon. Nothing… More nothing… Time passed… I sat on a bench… I kept writing notes, telling myself how I will probably fail.

And then I saw the same girl I had let pass at the very start of the session. I approached. She was Argentinian. And ready enough to talk.

Another hour later, and I had somehow squeezed out a second approach.

Pathetic? Yes. Costly, too. I sacrificed work and going to the gym so I could do it.

But it’s something I’ve accepted. And if you too go out for daygame, and are stuck because of approach resistance, then allow yourself as much time as it takes. Because during these early struggles, a deadline doesn’t help. At least that’s what I’ve found.