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The fundamental rule about getting better at daygame

Since I have been sucking at getting myself to approach for the past few days, I told myself to start from the beginning and just approach one girl today.

And I did, a girl who I suspect might be in training to be a nun. (No joke, she was right in front of the cathedral early in the morning, and though she looked nice, she was also more buttoned up and covered up than just about any other girl in the city.)

So I had done what I set out to do. I did one approach. But then I did another. Because the fundamental rule of getting better at daygame is:

Do 10% more.

10% more of what? Here are some ideas:

1. Do 10% more approaches than you had planned (round up)

2. Keep eye contact 10% longer than you feel comfortable

3. Speak 10% deeper and slower than you feel is natural

4. Make the girl stick around 10% longer than she says she can

5. Do 10% more assumptions — even when you feel you’ve given it your all

6. Vacuum for 10% longer than you feel is ok

7. Be 10% more of a cocky, smirky, oversexed asshole than you feel is really you

8. Smile 10% more than you normally do

9. Allow the void to consume you 10% more

10. Lead for 10% more — instant date, moving the girl around on the street, setting the date for the date, …

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10 ideas to get you get back on the daygame horse

I went out this morning and while I had good intentions and even did some behind-the-girl jogging, I did not approach.

And so I faced facts and admitted to myself that I’ve fallen off the daygame horse once again.

It’s time to pick myself up and climb back on. But how?

Here are 10 things that were happening the last time I succeeded:

1. I went out first thing in the morning

2. I gave myself easy and manageable goals (“Just approach one girl, give her a compliment, and you’re golden”)

3. I used the “negative stripline” to goad myself on

4. I stayed in non-stressful areas that still had some traffic

5. I took breaks to rest physically and negotiate with myself

6. I accepted what I am doing is not scalable and doesn’t have to be scalable

7. I stayed out as long as it took to do the number of approaches that I’d set for that day

8. I approached the first girl or very early after going out

9. I went back to places where I’d been having success before

10. I went to bed on time the night before and slept as well as I could

So there are some things that I can try again. Thing is, I actually approached a girl in the afternoon today, when I was coming back from the gym.

I ran after her, stopped her, told her in a halting but unstoppable way that she looked nice. I said goodbye and as I was walking away, she yelled after me

“That was very nice, keep doing what you’re doing.”

So there you go. A bit of motivation. But these kinds of nice and spontaneous and random encounters don’t happen on their own. They happen because you’ve gone out at other times, like a maniac, just to struggle against yourself and to approach girls.

Which is what I’m going to do again tomorrow. Using the 10 techniques above. (Negative stripline: “That’s what you say tonight. You will probably fail tomorrow because fear will engulf you. Why do this to yourself?”)

If you too face a sometimes overwhelming approach resistance, then I hope some of the above ideas will help you break through as well.

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Lifetraps, control, and daygame

I’ve been struggling with approaching again.

Partly, it has to do with the absence of women around town. It’s August 1st today, the peak of the summer season, and the city has finally emptied out.

But something else is going on, too.

I’m not exactly sure what, but most likely, it’s the same old stuff. And when I look at it more closely, it’s a weird combination of factors:

A need for control…

Over things I cannot control (eg. how an approach will go)…

Born out of a fundamental lack of trust in myself…

Which goes back decades to some childhood traumas.

“It’s just how I am.” That’s the easy conclusion. “I keep trying to change but I’m just not strong enough.” That’s an idea that keeps popping up into my head.

So today, I just want to bring up a book I’m reading right now, which addresses this exact situation.

It’s called Reinventing Your Life, and it’s written by Jeffrey Young and Janet Klosko. These two are psychologists or psychiatrists or therapists (I never know which is which) who seem to specialize in people who suffer from fixed patterns of destructive thoughts which they calls “lifetraps.”

Lifetraps are long-running.

They are destructive.

And they seek to reinforce themselves.

All of this makes it hard to change a lifetrap and escape its grip.

But according to this book, it is possible.

And if it is possible, it’s certainly worthwhile.

So if you too are doing daygame, but you are actually struggling with deeper, fundamental issues as well, the book might be worth a look. I’ve found it very helpful so far.

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Scarcity and the middle-of-the-road approach

She was coming towards me again.

I’d seen her earlier, on the other side of the road, while I was walking through the park. I didn’t approach then.

But now, here she was again, coming up towards me on the street.

She was a large and sexy girl, wearing a blue summer dress. Her giant tits and her giant ass were bouncing violently as she marched down the street.

I let her pass by me and then I turned after her.

She was about to hit an intersection.

I ran to catch her in the few yards of remaining space, but…

She started to cross the street sideways, even before hitting the intersection. And she practically ran into me while I was trying to get in front of her.

So I stopped her right there, in the middle of the road.

“Hello. I just want to tell you one thing.”

She was a little bit amused and a great deal confused. I couldn’t get her to stay there in the middle of the road with me.

So why am I bringing this up?

I just watched a section of the Daygame Blueprint where Yad says he will stalk the girl, following her until he find a good spot to approach. It’s just a reflection of the abundance mindset he’s got.

And I think that’s right.

But I’m not in abundance right now. I’m in scarcity. And stalking girls will make it more likely I get awkward and nervous… or even cop out altogether.

So in these early days, it’s better to have stupid mid-road approaches, than to pretend that I am more successful and accomplished than I actually am.

And if you are not yet at Yad’s level, or somewhere close, then maybe you too should consider approaching girls as soon as you can, instead of waiting for the optimal situation.

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Remember daygame is for you

A while back, when I was really struggling to approach, I tried lots of different strategies to break through the resistance.

And eventually, I succeeded.

I then wrote down all the things I had been trying and telling myself to do.

There were 8 or 9 of them. Anyways, I want to bring up #2 on this list today.

Because I found myself walking through an abandoned part of town this morning — for fear of going to the same streets I’d been walking on all last week.

And then I told myself:

“You’re doing all this for you.”

This reminded me of item #2 on my approach resistance list, which reads:

“Remember it’s for you. So you can feel good, so you feel you’re making progress. Remember there’s no better feeling than a successful day of sarging.”

Maybe it’s not clear how the two things connect.

I’m not sure myself at this point.

But they do connect.

And it’s worth remembering that daygame is for you.

Not just for the results you will get.
not just for the approval or even for the transformations it will bring.

But for you, on some really fundamental level of your own soul.

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The best way to be enthusiastic while daygaming

A while ago, I read Frank Bettger’s How I Raised Myself From Failure To Success In Selling.

Along with being recommended by some top-flight marketing birds, this book is also featured in the nostalgic soft-core porn Barcelona, in which the earnest and nerdy main character reads it to his plump, uncomprehending secretary.

Anyways, Bettger’s book has many good lessons, whether you are a failure in selling or pickup.

Such as for example, his very first lesson.

More than a hundred years ago, Bettger started out as a professional baseball player. But was afraid of failure, and so he didn’t put in all the effort he could.

His coach called him into the office and told him he’s being let go.

“If you didn’t drag around the field like a limp noodle,” the coach said, “maybe you’d have a place on this team.”

Bettger took this lesson to heart.

And the next time he got a spot on a team, he became the most enthusiastic little baseballer that the great American pastime had ever seen.

He ran like an escaped convict to first base.

He threw himself at every ground ball regardless of how far it was.

He wore a smile and he radiated positive energy and verve while in the field.

His enthusiasm soon made him a much better player, and his salary was something like tripled (though back then baseball players basically worked for peanuts and hot dogs).

And did you catch how Bettger became so enthusiastic and successful?

If you didn’t, he spells it out in his book:

“The best way to be enthusiastic is to act enthusiastic”

Of course, it’s possible to overdo this.

But odds are good that right now you too are a limp noodle when it comes to daygame.

And whether it’s a matter of going out onto the street, running after a fast-moving tart in heels, or stopping her with a flashing smile, you could probably use some more forced enthusiasm.

I know I could. And that’s why I will remember Frank Bettger when I go out for my daygame sesh tomorrow morning.

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The cliff reframe

A few days ago, I wrote about reframing as a way of moving forward when daygame goes bad.

But finding the right reframe is like digging around in a big box of stuffed toys, looking for one that somehow speaks to you over all the others.

In other words, it’s not easy and it’s not automatic to find a good reframe.

No matter.

If you come up with 20 reframes, odds are good at least a few will mean something to you. So here’s one that I thought of a few days ago:

Imagine a cliff.

Waves crash up against that cliff.

Sometimes the rhythm is right and there’s a satisfying splash when the wave hits.

Other times, it’s just a meek plop.

And still other times, one receding wave cancels another, and there’s nothing hitting the cliff at all.

But the cliff keeps getting shaped all the time bit by bit. And it doesn’t much care what kind of wave hits it. It’s in for the long haul.

And that’s how it is with every daygame approach you do and every daygame session you go out for.

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The missing ingredient when girls ignore you on the street

Two girls ignored me today.

I approached one of them on a small side street. I had to jog after her a good distance. Eventually, I got in front of her and said, “Excutes me.”

“Yes,” she said as she walked around me.

“I just want to tell you one thing.”

She kept walking. “I’m in a hurry.”

The other girl was walking slowly on one of the main streets. I got in front of her. “What?” she barked at me.

“I wanted to tell you that you look nice.”

“Thank you,” she said with a scowl and walked on.

I’ve been practicing my approaches, and I’ve been working on two things:

Smiling.

And having good eye contact.

Which are both important. But not 100% enough.

There’s another critical thing which I was reminded of today as I was rewatching the Daygame Blueprint.

“You need 100% conviction,” says Yad.

That’s a vague inner game thing but it matters. In practical terms, it means you have to get all the way in front of the girl… fully intercepting her path (“standing on her rails”)… and in a way, blocking out the sun with your magnificence.

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Don’t be serious in daygame, even as a joke

A few days ago, I stopped girl in a colorful jumpsuit rushing to work through a park.

I guess I didn’t do a good job with the approach, so she was a little startled and shocked.

So I decided to run with it.

I got serious as a joke, telling her she looks, in solemn tons, very nice. And that her jumpsuit is, seriously, very nice and colorful.

I thought it was obvious that I wasn’t actually dying. I thought the fact that I was complimenting her out of nowhere would be enough for her to light up with a smile.

It wasn’t. She thanked me but she excused herself with a concerned look, because she’s running to work after all.

In short, don’t get serious in daygame, especially during the approach.

Even as a joke.

Girls can’t tell you’re joking, and they won’t get a good vibe from your seriousness.

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My daygame mission & purpose

It’s good to have a mission & purpose for just about everything in life.

Because when you’re out in the shit, and grenades are exploding all around your head, and your brain wants to go into full-flight mode, a mission and purpose keeps you aligned, so you can make decisions that take you a little closer to your goal.

This applies to every kind of human interaction. And of course, to daygame.

So here’s my daygame mission and purpose. It’s to make the girl feel:

– safe
– comfortable
– that there’s no pressure on her and that this interaction is light
– that she’s having fun
– and that I like her genuinely, for herself at her best

This mission & purpose doesn’t say anything about what I get out of this or what I want. Because the mission and purpose has to be in your adversary’s — err, your target’s — world.