Category: Approach Resistance

I went out this morning and while I had good intentions and even did some behind-the-girl jogging, I did not approach.

And so I faced facts and admitted to myself that I’ve fallen off the daygame horse once again.

It’s time to pick myself up and climb back on. But how?

Here are 10 things that were happening the last time I succeeded:

1. I went out first thing in the morning

2. I gave myself easy and manageable goals (“Just approach one girl, give her a compliment, and you’re golden”)

3. I used the “negative stripline” to goad myself on

4. I stayed in non-stressful areas that still had some traffic

5. I took breaks to rest physically and negotiate with myself

6. I accepted what I am doing is not scalable and doesn’t have to be scalable

7. I stayed out as long as it took to do the number of approaches that I’d set for that day

8. I approached the first girl or very early after going out

9. I went back to places where I’d been having success before

10. I went to bed on time the night before and slept as well as I could

So there are some things that I can try again. Thing is, I actually approached a girl in the afternoon today, when I was coming back from the gym.

I ran after her, stopped her, told her in a halting but unstoppable way that she looked nice. I said goodbye and as I was walking away, she yelled after me

“That was very nice, keep doing what you’re doing.”

So there you go. A bit of motivation. But these kinds of nice and spontaneous and random encounters don’t happen on their own. They happen because you’ve gone out at other times, like a maniac, just to struggle against yourself and to approach girls.

Which is what I’m going to do again tomorrow. Using the 10 techniques above. (Negative stripline: “That’s what you say tonight. You will probably fail tomorrow because fear will engulf you. Why do this to yourself?”)

If you too face a sometimes overwhelming approach resistance, then I hope some of the above ideas will help you break through as well.

A while back, when I was really struggling to approach, I tried lots of different strategies to break through the resistance.

And eventually, I succeeded.

I then wrote down all the things I had been trying and telling myself to do.

There were 8 or 9 of them. Anyways, I want to bring up #2 on this list today.

Because I found myself walking through an abandoned part of town this morning — for fear of going to the same streets I’d been walking on all last week.

And then I told myself:

“You’re doing all this for you.”

This reminded me of item #2 on my approach resistance list, which reads:

“Remember it’s for you. So you can feel good, so you feel you’re making progress. Remember there’s no better feeling than a successful day of sarging.”

Maybe it’s not clear how the two things connect.

I’m not sure myself at this point.

But they do connect.

And it’s worth remembering that daygame is for you.

Not just for the results you will get.
not just for the approval or even for the transformations it will bring.

But for you, on some really fundamental level of your own soul.

When I was in junior high school, we read a story which applies strangely to daygame, too.

It was about a boy who hunted raccoons. So his grandpa gave him some advice.

“Put a shiny coin in a hole in a log,” grandpa said. “The clever racoon will see it and will reach in to get it out.”

“Oh yeah, old man?” said the grandson. “So what?”

“The racoon is a greedy creature,” said the grandfather. “So he won’t let go of that shiny coin. And that’s why he won’t be able to get his paw out of the hole. It’s a perfect trap.”

“You’re a perfect old fogey,” said the grandson, “and I’ve had enough of your ramblings.”

It was a long time ago that I read that story, and I’m not sure about the exact dialogue. But I thought of it just now because I was reviewing my daygame session from today.

I was struggling for a good part of it.

And at one point, I sat down on a bench and had a dialogue with myself, which was almost as nasty as the one above between the grandson and grandfather.

NEGATIVE ME: “Why don’t you go home and stop fooling yourself?”

POSITIVE ME: “Because I want to stay out and get the approaches done that I’d planned.”

NEGATIVE ME: “Sure you do. But you’re not doing shit. So what’s gonna change?”

POSITIVE ME: “I’ll do a quick approach right now. I’ll break through my approach resistance!”

And so I stopped debating with myself, and I started walking around, determined to find a girl to approach.

But it turns out that’s almost always a mistake, at least in my case.

When I get all determined like I did today, all that happens is that I become physically and mentally tense. And I make it even harder for myself to approach.

I’m like that stupid racoon who won’t let go of the shiny thing, and who keeps being trapped with his paw in the log.

Relaxing and letting go of the determination to approach — right here, right now, the very next girl who comes up — actually makes it easier to approach, and more likely that I will succeed.

And maybe, if you suffer from similar racoon tendencies as I do, this will help you as well.

I saw her as soon as I left the house this morning:

A young, pretty girl walking up the street.

So I started running.

“I know you’re in a rush,” I said. “I just wanted to tell you you look nice.”

“Thank you,” she said. And she walked away.

I felt a bit of relief. I had done the first approach of the day.

A few minutes later, I approached a fancily dressed law office clerk. We talked for ten seconds. Then I walked around, feeling a growing chasm inside myself. I finally approached a third girl — one with a big jaw and a big ass — who was barrelling down the street and only slowed down a bit to say “thank you.”

I had met my quota for the day. I had done three approaches that went nowhere.

And that’s daygame.

It probably won’t go anywhere. You will probably weird many girls out. Your own reaction will probably be negative many times.

Because daygame is terrible.

It really is the worst way to meet women.

It’s constant emotional turmoil. Even if you keep it up, some part of this always remains.

Like I said, terrible.

There’s no reason to do this to yourself.

Unless, that is, you’ve set foolish and maniacal goals for yourself. Such as total self-mastery and complete social freedom.

For months now, I’ve been going on the street, trying to approach girls through daygame. No success.

So today, I finally told myself:

Today will probably be no different than all the other days you’ve gone out. You probably will not approach. You’ll probably just walk around for a bit, past enough pretty, single girls to feel you’ve done something, and then you’ll go home, telling yourself that you will do better tomorrow.

I balked a bit at this. But then I did pass some pretty, single girls. And nothing happened. So I told myself the truth once more:

You probably are too old. And not just because many girls will think you’re too old and will find it weird. But also because you’ve gone for too long without approaching, because you’ve gotten too fixed in your ways, because you’re not flexible enough, because you don’t have life-drive enough.

I didn’t want to believe this is true. So when I saw a pretty girl, walking all alone, I asked myself whether I will approach her. And I gave myself an honest answer:

You probably won’t. Who knows why. Perhaps you’re too weak. Or too broken. Or too neurotic. Perhaps you’re not a good enough problem solver to figure out a way out of whatever is blocking you. Whatever the reason, odds are that you won’t approach anyone today. And the odds won’t improve tomorrow.

Sure enough, that girl passed, and I didn’t approach.

So I started to walk home.

Right before I got home, I saw a tall, leggy, dark-haired girl carrying a package of toilet paper she’d just bought at the store.

I stopped myself. I turned. I started running. Where the hell was I running?

I ran in front of the girl. I motioned her to stop, and I bloodlessly told her she looks nice. She lit up with a smile.

I left without even saying goodbye.

But I did approach.

So now what? Well, now I’m telling myself:

You’ll go out tomorrow, first thing in the morning. And your goal will be to approach two girls, one more than you did today. Of course, you probably won’t actually approach two girls. You probably won’t even approach one. You’ll probably walk around, pass some girls, let them pass, and settle back into the same state in which you’ve been stuck for weeks and months. Today was probably just a fluke.

If you dig in and look at yourself honestly, you will probably find a similar self-pep talk waiting for you to give it to yourself. Because the truth is, just like me, you’re probably not cut out for daygame.

Probably. But maybe you’ll surprise yourself after all.