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The cliff reframe

A few days ago, I wrote about reframing as a way of moving forward when daygame goes bad.

But finding the right reframe is like digging around in a big box of stuffed toys, looking for one that somehow speaks to you over all the others.

In other words, it’s not easy and it’s not automatic to find a good reframe.

No matter.

If you come up with 20 reframes, odds are good at least a few will mean something to you. So here’s one that I thought of a few days ago:

Imagine a cliff.

Waves crash up against that cliff.

Sometimes the rhythm is right and there’s a satisfying splash when the wave hits.

Other times, it’s just a meek plop.

And still other times, one receding wave cancels another, and there’s nothing hitting the cliff at all.

But the cliff keeps getting shaped all the time bit by bit. And it doesn’t much care what kind of wave hits it. It’s in for the long haul.

And that’s how it is with every daygame approach you do and every daygame session you go out for.

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The missing ingredient when girls ignore you on the street

Two girls ignored me today.

I approached one of them on a small side street. I had to jog after her a good distance. Eventually, I got in front of her and said, “Excutes me.”

“Yes,” she said as she walked around me.

“I just want to tell you one thing.”

She kept walking. “I’m in a hurry.”

The other girl was walking slowly on one of the main streets. I got in front of her. “What?” she barked at me.

“I wanted to tell you that you look nice.”

“Thank you,” she said with a scowl and walked on.

I’ve been practicing my approaches, and I’ve been working on two things:

Smiling.

And having good eye contact.

Which are both important. But not 100% enough.

There’s another critical thing which I was reminded of today as I was rewatching the Daygame Blueprint.

“You need 100% conviction,” says Yad.

That’s a vague inner game thing but it matters. In practical terms, it means you have to get all the way in front of the girl… fully intercepting her path (“standing on her rails”)… and in a way, blocking out the sun with your magnificence.

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Don’t be serious in daygame, even as a joke

A few days ago, I stopped girl in a colorful jumpsuit rushing to work through a park.

I guess I didn’t do a good job with the approach, so she was a little startled and shocked.

So I decided to run with it.

I got serious as a joke, telling her she looks, in solemn tons, very nice. And that her jumpsuit is, seriously, very nice and colorful.

I thought it was obvious that I wasn’t actually dying. I thought the fact that I was complimenting her out of nowhere would be enough for her to light up with a smile.

It wasn’t. She thanked me but she excused herself with a concerned look, because she’s running to work after all.

In short, don’t get serious in daygame, especially during the approach.

Even as a joke.

Girls can’t tell you’re joking, and they won’t get a good vibe from your seriousness.

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My daygame mission & purpose

It’s good to have a mission & purpose for just about everything in life.

Because when you’re out in the shit, and grenades are exploding all around your head, and your brain wants to go into full-flight mode, a mission and purpose keeps you aligned, so you can make decisions that take you a little closer to your goal.

This applies to every kind of human interaction. And of course, to daygame.

So here’s my daygame mission and purpose. It’s to make the girl feel:

– safe
– comfortable
– that there’s no pressure on her and that this interaction is light
– that she’s having fun
– and that I like her genuinely, for herself at her best

This mission & purpose doesn’t say anything about what I get out of this or what I want. Because the mission and purpose has to be in your adversary’s — err, your target’s — world.

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When it’s ok to stupid-eject from a daygame set

I stopped girl in a park this morning. She was young, she had a fine body, and she was wearing some kind of gymmy black outfit.

And it was going well.

She said she’s going to work, but she didn’t make any move to leave. She seemed relieved that I was hitting on her. She was telling me about how she’s moved to the city and how it’s better than where she’s from. She laughed at my jokes.

So I ejected.

I told her I won’t keep her any longer, but it was nice talking to her.

She looked deflated but she went.

What else could she do?

Of course, this was eating at me later. In fact, as soon as I’d ejected. I could have stuck it out. Pushed more. Probably gotten the number.

But even though this was all running through my head…

It wasn’t a mistake to eject.

I’m still getting back on the daygame horse.

And the watchword is: Go slow and make progress.

It’s much more important to be consistent, and to consistently progress, than to be eager and go for the gun right away.

If you keep it up, go out every day, and do a bit more every day, you’ll get plenty of numbers in just another week.

On the other hand, if you get overeager and crash and burn, you might ask or even get a number today — and then never get another number ever.

Again, the key is consistent work and progress, however slow.

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How to adapt after you crumble under mounting daygame pressure and routine

Today was a total daygame failure. I did one approach — which went well — and then I got nervous and didn’t do any more.

I’d been making solid progress over the past week, but it seems my mind and body are revolting. So I thought of different ways to deal with this. Maybe you will find one of them useful:

1. Schedule in breaks. Plan a day when you won’t approach, or when you will approach less than you would normally.

2. Change locations. Go to a new part of town where you don’t normally approach. Or go to a new town altogether.

3. Break up the work throughout the day.

4. Take microbreaks. Lie down or sit down. Go into your mental quiet room. During the daygame session itself, and during the rest of the day as well.

5. Make it into a game. Approach only girls wearing white pants. Compare each girl to some superhero. Accuse each girl of a different dangerous or shady profession.

6. Reframe. Like Arnold Schwarzenegger who said he really got successful as a bodybuilder when he started to see pain as weakness leaving his body. Search for a similar reframe that you can believe in.

7. Take two steps back. Take some weight off, just like bodybuilders do. Except I find that taking one step back is often not enough. The mind knows that the the step at which it failed is just around the corner. That’s why it’s better to take two steps back, and then gradually ramp up again.

8. Keep fueled up. Sleep, food, water. Also having social interactions… reducing money worries… minimizing external stress or anxiety.

9. High to low to high. Alternate doing the hardest first while you have energy, and then the easiest and most pleasant when you need a break. And then go back high.

10. Keep problem solving. Tried all of the above? None of it worked? Keep looking for new ideas, inside yourself and outside, for how to keep motivated and active.

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10 surprising things that have happened to me during daygame

Here are 10 surprising things that have happened to me during daygame — not today, but over my long and patchy daygame career:

1. I stopped a slow-moving, bored-looking, curiously dressed girl. I gave her my usual spiel and she neither engaged nor made a move to go. So I kept talking. She listened blankly but again made no move to go. Then, an older woman, who I suppose was her mother, walked up, put her arms around the girl, and swept her away. I thought the girl was in her early 20s. But it turned out she was still very much a teenager.

2. I stopped a girl and she recognized me. She knew all sorts of things about me, about my job, about my background. I realized that I must have stopped her at some point earlier, but I completely could not remember. I played it cool. She hinted in many ways that she was available now so I took her number. But while we were trying to set up the first date over text, she had a moral crisis and decided she couldn’t come out for a drink after all.

3. This didn’t happen during daygame but after: I went to a friend’s house for poker. Other people were coming as well, including a couple. The girl of the couple said, “Oh you stopped me on the street last week. You said I looked nice.” I didn’t remember. But she did.

4. I stopped a girl on the street. I was nervous because I was just getting back into daygame after a long break. “If you have to go, no problem,” I told her. “I don’t have to go,” she said. Me: “I was just going to get a coffee. Do you want to sit down for a coffee with me?” Her: “How about a beer?” It was 1pm.

5. I normally never do “warmup” sets but I tried it once. I stopped a girl and told her she looks nice and to have a great day. I kept walking down the street feeling good about myself. Then I heard footsteps behind me — somebody was running after me. It was the girl. “Would you like to have coffee with me?” she asked. That killed the rest of the daygame session.

6. I stopped a girl who was having a smoke outside of a metro entrance. I asked her if she spoke English. She said yes. I tried telling her how she looks nice, but it was obvious she doesn’t understand me. I tried to use simpler words and to talk slower. She was getting annoyed. Finally she yelled at me in Hungarian to go away and to leave her alone.

7. I ran to stop a girl on a medium-empty street. She clutched her bag and ran away.

8. I stopped a girl who was an international model. There were dozens of girls out that day who I thought were prettier and sexier than her.

9. I stopped a girl once and when I was done, a guy walked up to me and asked what I was doing. I told him I could teach him the same but he said he couldn’t do it.

10. I stopped a girl and told her she looks good. She tried to keep up her end of the conversation but it was obvious that she was close to breaking out in tears. Eventually she started crying. She wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. I saw her on the street a few weeks later. We talked again. I never found out why she was crying that day.

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How to deal with awkwardness, courtesy of Style PUA

I saw an interview once with Neil Strauss aka Style.

The interviewer, Andrew Warner, was nervous for some reason. He admitted this to Neil and asked for advice. Makes sens, since Neil is a master interviewer himself, on top of being a big-name PUA.

“You’ve already done the best thing you could,” Neil said. “When there’s something hanging in the air, it’s best to call it out.”

This applies when you’re the one being nervous or awkward… and in other situations, too.

Like today, when I went out for daygame. Two of the girls I approached reacted a little off.

One got cold and defensive when she realized what was going on.

The other simply seemed so shocked that she couldn’t say anything.

In both cases, I kept going with my little spiel as though nothing odd is happening.

Which is an ok strategy in an instance of awkwardness.

But a better strategy might be to do what Neil suggested:

Be in the moment…

Be aware of what’s happening…

And simply call it out.

TO THE COLD, DEFENSIVE GIRL: “Oh I like how you got so serious right now. It’s like you’re getting ready for a fight.”

TO THE SHOCKED GIRL: “I feel a little like an extraterrestrial. You’re looking at me like you can’t believe this is really happening.”

Don’t be judgmental or accusatory if you do this.

Instead, be amused. Friendly. And give the girl a chance to change her mind and get back into the conversation.

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The tension trap for overeager daygamers

When I was in junior high school, we read a story which applies strangely to daygame, too.

It was about a boy who hunted raccoons. So his grandpa gave him some advice.

“Put a shiny coin in a hole in a log,” grandpa said. “The clever racoon will see it and will reach in to get it out.”

“Oh yeah, old man?” said the grandson. “So what?”

“The racoon is a greedy creature,” said the grandfather. “So he won’t let go of that shiny coin. And that’s why he won’t be able to get his paw out of the hole. It’s a perfect trap.”

“You’re a perfect old fogey,” said the grandson, “and I’ve had enough of your ramblings.”

It was a long time ago that I read that story, and I’m not sure about the exact dialogue. But I thought of it just now because I was reviewing my daygame session from today.

I was struggling for a good part of it.

And at one point, I sat down on a bench and had a dialogue with myself, which was almost as nasty as the one above between the grandson and grandfather.

NEGATIVE ME: “Why don’t you go home and stop fooling yourself?”

POSITIVE ME: “Because I want to stay out and get the approaches done that I’d planned.”

NEGATIVE ME: “Sure you do. But you’re not doing shit. So what’s gonna change?”

POSITIVE ME: “I’ll do a quick approach right now. I’ll break through my approach resistance!”

And so I stopped debating with myself, and I started walking around, determined to find a girl to approach.

But it turns out that’s almost always a mistake, at least in my case.

When I get all determined like I did today, all that happens is that I become physically and mentally tense. And I make it even harder for myself to approach.

I’m like that stupid racoon who won’t let go of the shiny thing, and who keeps being trapped with his paw in the log.

Relaxing and letting go of the determination to approach — right here, right now, the very next girl who comes up — actually makes it easier to approach, and more likely that I will succeed.

And maybe, if you suffer from similar racoon tendencies as I do, this will help you as well.

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Moving forward on the daygame treadmill

How quickly the mind and body adapt.

Today I went out for daygame. My goal was to do 6 approaches.

But the city was dead. I walked around for an hour and a half and I did 3 approaches. Not because I was letting tons of opportunities pass. There simply weren’t that many girls out.

So eventually, I conceded there’s no sense in continuing to punish myself. And I went home.

I felt shitty about it. I’d been meeting all my daygame quotas since I got back on the horse…

And here I was failing for the first time.

How quickly the body and the mind adapt.

Because today I did 3 approaches, and they were all fairly solid.

Only 3 days ago, I would have been super pleased by squeezing this result out of myself. Not any more though.

But this isn’t a sermon about how we’re all spinning our wheels on the hedonic treadmill, and how you should be happy with whatchu got.

Instead, I just want to remind myself, and perhaps you, dear reader, that this same principle goes in a forward direction, too. Specifically:

The things that seem hard or even impossible today…

Such as stopping that snobby-looking, perfectly dressed, fast-moving, large-titted blonde, in the middle of a crowd…

Will be second nature soon, and maybe in just a few days.